I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
