Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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