just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
