My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
not ubering you a puppy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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