I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
