saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
