Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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