i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
