Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's blow job season.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
