And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
vagina is talking i cant
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
