on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
