My nipple is on Facebook.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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