the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
