Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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