I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize