i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Michael Bay diarrhea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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