He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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