just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
