i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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