Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
