It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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