Someone shit on the floor
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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