dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
