I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How's work?
Spinning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
