I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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