Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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