somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ttyl tear gas
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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