Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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