We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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