i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
