Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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