Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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