You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
