mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
