Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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