Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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