now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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