I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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