Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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