its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
