I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
