i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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