There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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