how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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