So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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