sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
