you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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