Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's always time for handjobs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
