dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i've created a new STD.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
