i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
