I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
