If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
