ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
