someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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