Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
