Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
