Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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