Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
