From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
