One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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