The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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