last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
