I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
