can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
