Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
